must be 18 or older to order

This post intended for Week 7

As a kid, I would get up early before my parents and watch t.v.  We didn’t have cable, so my options were mostly news, KPBS, or early morning infomercial marathons.  

Informercials fascinated me.  I would watch long winded explanations, demonstrations, and testimonies by satisfied customers for hours.  After a sufficient amount time had passed to brainwash me entirely, I would be convinced that my seven year old life was totally incomplete without the assistance of the most amazing vacuum cleaner television could offer.  It could deep clean carpets, wash hard wood floors, was light-weight, didn’t let the dust escape, the bag was extra-easy to change, and best of all, it came in green.

This happened multiple times with several products.  Shoe cleaners, sharp knives, bleach that could bleach better (whatever that means), temporary hair coloring chalk; these programs made me see that my life was obviously a void of nothingness without rotating tupperware.  Then, it would be time to get ready for the day, and I would forget about the flashlight you could run over with you car or submerge in water.

It wasn’t until one morning when I woke my mother up from a deep sleep, urging her to buy something because we had to “order now while supplies last,” that my parents finally banned me from watching infomercials.  

This didn’t really stop me, but from then on, I knew better than to wake up my parents again for the sake of skin cleanser or powerful juicers.  Even if it was an over $100 value for just 19.95.

This is Lauren the Largemouth Bass, but wait!  There’s more!  If you read the next blog post we will almost DOUBLE the entertainment!  Yes, that’s right you will read over not one but TWO Almost Educated blog posts that you can either skim and forget or savor forever!  The choice is yours, but time is limited!  Read now!


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