abductions and mannerisms

If I were to be abducted by aliens on my way to the cafeteria to meet my roommate for lunch, I would be grateful for an excuse to miss a meal, as well as have a complete heart attack.  However, I’m sure these space people would be very considerate; and after restarting my heart, offer me a six-inch sub.  As I nervously bite into the sandwich, perhaps they would ask me what the hardest part of college was.  After munching thoughtfully, I suppose I would say, “The most difficult subject I have encountered at this unnamed university is Defining the Relationship 101.”  At this point, the aliens may offer to return me to my dormitory before my roommate, Izzy notices I am missing.  However, seeing that Izzy usually takes several hours before noticing my absence anyway, I would instead tell them all about the strange phenomena that is “ring by spring.”

Ring by spring, by crude student definition is basically, “to get engaged to be married by the spring semester.”  The spring semester of which year of college is a minor ambiguity, but all the same, it is enough to send every student with a Y-chromosome running for the hills.

The term “ring by spring” came along in reference to the fact that a lot of men and women who attend this school end up developing romantic interests in each other, resulting in marriage.  Theoretically, word spread that this college was a great place to meet a nice Christian guy, which I personally believe is the reason why the head count ratio is approximately sixty women to forty men.  The common belief now, is in addition to an education, women are primarily paying thirty thousand dollars a year to find a husband.

While this is true for some women, it is not true for all of us.  This, however, is a fact that is commonly overlooked.  Now, as a woman attending this university, if I am to befriend a man, I need to immediately establish a strict friendship with him whether I am romantically interested in him or not.  Then, if I am interested in a relationship with him, I need to find out if he is married or if he has a girlfriend.  If not, I may move on to step three, which as far as my research goes, has yet to be determined by anyone.

Luckily, I have yet to meet anyone on campus of whom I am interested in.  Therefore, in my case, the lack of the step three discovery has been rendered obsolete thus far.  Unfortunately, the aliens would probably not be satisfied with an inconclusive study and rather than send me back to Oregon, decide to vaporize me and use my remains as seasoning for the otherwise bland vegetable, space corn.

I’m Lauren The Largemouth Bass and this has been an almost animated blog post.


2 thoughts on “abductions and mannerisms”

  1. The blog is very interesting when I read the title and the first paragraph. I have interests to read the rest of the essay. What I really like about the essay is the writing style, because it is so humorous and creative. You use a interesting way to introduce the ring by spring, and I totally understand what you want to express. Good job.


  2. I agree completely with Haowenyuan! When I clicked on your blog site and read the title, I was hooked, and then you got me to laugh so I had to continue! You have a great way of making a post very informative but also lively and funny at the same time! You so a great job in both areas and those skills are what make a good writer! So great post!!


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